Death and life are in the power of the tongue… Proverbs 18:21. In this post, I share the importance of speaking positively to your children. From the perspective of my husband and I as parents and educators. We are not experts in this arena, however, is based on experiences we have had over several years.
There is a genuinely false claim that negative words spoken to others have no impact on their lives. This is clearly seen in this saying you may have heard that says, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” As a result, we allow our tongues to operate unchecked, causing much damage to those around us.
Power of the tongue - Speak Life!
Children are often the ones who come at the wrong end of the venomous attacks of parents. Sometimes intentionally other times as a result of stressful situations and life circumstances. Some parents believe that when demeaning and destructive language is used, it will somehow help the child become more responsible. However, Proverbs 18:21 explains that “What you say can preserve life or destroy it; so you must accept the consequences of your words”. This is a tremendous warning not only to parents but teachers, counselors, or anyone who has influence over little children. Words spoken over someone’s life can either bring life or death. Death and life are in the power of the tongue… Proverbs 18:21
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Our tongues can build others up, or they can tear them down. The words spoken over our children have the power to breathe life or choke the life out of them. Unfortunately, we are sometimes guilty of addressing children in anger. Regrettably, at those times, we may also be guilty of speaking negatively to our children or say somethings that we genuinely do not mean. Although some parents may apologize for their words, these words cannot be taken back. The damage would have already been done.
The Difference in the Power of the tongue
There is a clear difference between the tongue that brings life and the tongue that destroys life. Parents who make an intentional effort to speak positively to their children will use language that achieves the following: –
Builds, gently correct, encourage, enlighten, affirms, teaches, compliments, and promotes improvement.
On the other hand, the words of parents who use more destructive language or speak negatively to their children are often characterized by the following:-
Fault finding, judgmental, insultive, humiliating, always disapproving, and highlights only weaknesses.
Experts may even have a longer list.
Bring Life With the tongue
What our tongue produces, as parents, has life-changing implications for our children and should be taken quite seriously. The bible instructs us to control our tongue. In other words, as much as we remember to “avoid saying anything hurtful, and never let a lie come out of your mouth.” Psalm 34:13. Christian parents should use language that consistently honors the Lord and bring life to their children. Along with this, there are some important truths that we can also share with our children that will help them know that they are special. You can read more about that in this post.
James warns against using our tongues “to give thanks to our Lord and Father and also to curse other people, who are created in the likeness of God.” Sometimes we just need to be genuine with ourselves and do some reflection on the use of our tongue. This is the whole purpose and this article is written to help you and me as parents reflect on the impact of our words on our children.
Negative Consequences related to the power of the tongue
If you have ever been involved with children as a teacher, ministry worker, baby sitter, you may notice certain things related to this topic. Children that are raised in homes with parents who use degrading and disrespectful language to them often feel inadequate and usually develop low self-esteem. They grow up with a constant feeling that they are not good enough and see themselves as a constant failure. That’s because consistent verbal abuse can negatively impact a child. Eventually resulting in a lack of confidence and feeling bad about oneself.
After a while, this feeling of inadequacy will begin to affect the child’s behavior. Since they have accepted the suggestions of not being good enough. Many children grow up failing to try and take chances. This may have a ripple effect on their academic endeavors. Sadly, at times, when a child believes that he or she is not good enough, they may not be able to do what is necessary for their success. In other words, they will fail to try since they already believe that they are not good enough.
This principle is widely held in educational psychology as the self-fulfilling prophecy. A self-fulfilling prophecy is a belief or expectation that an individual holds about a future event that manifests because the individual holds it (Good Therapy, 2015). Therefore, if a child believes that he or she is a failure then the child will eventually experience failure as a result of this belief. Many children’s potential has been snatched from them. This is simply because their parents or those closest to them declare with their tongue that they are not good enough.
It is so familiar to hear some parents tell their children things like:
“You are stupid”
You can’t do anything well
Why couldn’t you be as smart as ——
You are too lazy
I never wanted a child/Why did I make you
Feelings of children affected by the negative power of the tongue
Unfortunately, these hurtful words negatively impact all aspects of a child’s life since it creates rejection. Children grow up feeling unloved and unwanted which adversely influences their behavior. Many of us as parents feel that we have the right to speak to our children in such a manner because they hold a position of power. However, we must stop and realize the damage that we may be causing to our children.
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Here is a shortlist of some of the negative effects related to the power of the tongue
- Children understandably lose their sense of true value.
- Children grow up thinking that they are worthless and as a result sell themselves well short of their value.
- Children often have very low self-esteem which can make them victims of bullying
- Children become timid and afraid of failure and work hard to please others and are even willing to put themselves at the risk
- Children grow up becoming promiscuous, abusing drugs and alcohol, and being truant.
Again experts may have many more truths to add to this list.
Researchers such as Morris Rosenberg and Timothy J. Owens elucidates that children who develop low self-esteem tend to be hypersensitive, which is a condition where one has unduly vulnerable feelings about criticisms or any form of disagreement. These children also have a delicate sense of themselves which can easily be broken by others.
Make A Difference With The Power Of The Tongue
So what can we do as parents and even guardians to make a difference? It all starts right here: Words kill, words give life; they’re either poison or fruit—you choose… Proverbs 18:21 The Message Bible.
Parents can make a deliberate choice to change what they say, and how they speak to their children. Speaking positively using the tongue, along with actions that continually reinforce how valuable our children are to us can certainly make a vast difference. It is also important that children know they are valuable to God who created them.
How you speak will set a positive course for a child’s future. Positive words spoken to a child can be compared to the foundation of a house. Let’s just say if it starts off right the house will be well built, not leaning, broken, damaged, and incomplete and the list goes on. As parents, we can also speak life into our children by praying for them. Start today.
4 Ways To Practice Speaking Positively To Your Children
So let’s look at how we can practice speaking life with our tongues in order to create a positive mindset in our children. These simple methods will also aid in helping children handle situations better, make better choices, and generally assist with relational skills to name a few. There are endless benefits to parents speaking life over their children. Speak it and speak it loud so it will grow.
1. Express Warm Feelings
One important way parents can use words positively is to constantly express warm feelings to their children. Let your children know how you feel about them regularly. Say I love you often and always. Whenever there is an occasion, tell them you are proud of them. Every child needs to know that their parents love them and that they are important to their family. This can be further shown by giving your children hugs and kisses. Although these actions are not words, it can further add value to what parents say.
2. Compliment Your Children
Compliments are another way to speak positively over the life of your children. Celebrate your children’s successes and encourage them in their low points. Tell your children when they have done something good. It doesn’t matter how small or insignificant it may be. Let them know that they have done well and you would like them to keep it up. Even when they may have failed, use language to build them up. Let them know that they can do better. Help them to discover ways that they can improve and always let them know you’re their biggest supporter. This will help kids develop efficacy in their general attitudes to things that they do.
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3. Make Positive Declarations
Another great way to speak positively over your children is to make declarations of good for their lives. I do this ever so often with my own children. During our nightly prayers and devotion, I watch them in the eye and make positive declarations in line with the word of God. For example, I say “You are saved by grace through faith in Christ Jesus alone!” You shall fulfill your God-given purpose on the earth!” These declarations and many others are spoken in their lives like seeds that are sown. In due season they shall bring forth fruit. If you want to see blessings in the lives of your children, begin to declare it over their lives
4. Teach Children To Speak Well of Themselves and Others
Finally, teach your children to speak well of themselves and others. Truth be told, if parents speak well to their children, then they learn indirectly to speak well of themselves and others. In addition, there must also be a concerted effort to ensure it actually happens. Seek to correct any language that seems demeaning to self and others. Use these occasions for teaching moments to educate your children about the negative effects of that sort of language. Once they understand, they will make a greater effort to speak positively.
Death and life are in the power of the tongue… Proverbs 18:21.
Start speaking life today. Be intentional about speaking positively to and over your children and you plant seeds in the minds and hearts that will help set the course for their future.
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Thank you so much for reading this post. I pray that God bless you and your family richly.
As always stay safe and blessed.
